The Australian Open Tennis Tournament is going on in Melbourne. In all likelihood, there are men's matches being played down under, but every time Growltiger tries to watch one, ESPN and/or The Tennis Channel are televising women's tennis which she finds ear-splittingly boring. Tennis fans will get the allusion, but those who don't watch tennis probably aren't aware many of the top female players emit a bone-shattering shriek every time they hit the ball. To the despair of the commentators, Serena Williams got bounced from the tournament by Ana Ivanovic, a leggy, good-looking Serb. Apparently Serena had the backache which accounts for her losing which, of course, had nothing to do with how well Ivanovic played.
In other sports news, the Patriots lost to the Broncos while the umpires and referees managed to defeat the San Francisco Forty-Niners, though that one was touch and go. This sets up what some might call the Super High Bowl featuring the mile high Denver Broncos and the not quite so high Seattle Seahawks.
The Northeast and Mid-Atlantic are bracing for another blast of frigid weather from Climate Change nee Global Warming nee Global Cooling. Climatechangologists have all the bases covered. If it snows, that's Climate Change since it didn't snow yesterday. But if it doesn't snow, that's Climate Change, too, because all indications were that it was going to. See how easy that is?
Apparently female suicide bombers might be hiding somewhere in Sochi in order to detonate themselves during the Olympics in order to send the world a message from the Religion of Peace, piece by piece.In other news from the Islamic Cauldron, the Syrians are still killing each other, the al-Qaeda that no longer exists has taken over Fallujah in Iraq, and in Iran the bearded guys with cowpies on their heads just snookered the current administration into discontinuing sanctions so that the oil rich country that threatens to wipe Israel off the map can pursue nukes to power their light bulbs.
CBS in Boston reports that middle schoolers in Rhode Island are ingesting, smoking and snorting candies called Smarties in a widespread phenomenon found on popular YouTube videos which puts them in danger of getting maggots in their noses. (I am not making this up). There were no maggots, however, on the 300+ A-listers who attended the party celebrating the First Lady's fiftieth birthday. The Middle Class the President protects and defends were not invited, but members of the 1% were, including Paul McCarney, Jennifer Hudson, the Clintons, Ashley Judd, Angela Basset, Donna Karan, Al Sharpton, Facebook's Sheryl Sanberg and assorted CEO's whose companies the President badmouths on a regular basis.
Meanwhile, in Britain, eighty-eight-year-old Queen Elizabeth stated her intention to hand over some of her duties to Prince Charles in what some say marks a "gentle succession" and others claim is giving half reins to a half wit. In unrelated news, Maryland's online health exchange directed hundreds of callers to a Seattle-based pottery business (no relation to the Super High Bowl above).
But all of this is small potatoes compared to the ongoing media frenzy regarding Governor Chris Christie's administration's inappropriately setting out traffic cones on the George Washington Bridge.
"As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright moron." H.L. Mencken